Can your bedroom destroy your relationship?Jan 17, 2021
Your bedroom is the sacred space of intimacy and sometimes we turn them into storage rooms, exercise rooms, home offices and shrines to our children, all impacting our intimacy experience.
Intimacy is about being vulnerable and showing who we really are. It’s about how we allow the innermost, private parts of ourselves to be seen and communicated to ourselves and to our partner. The bedroom can symbolize intimacy. It’s the most private space in the house; the place where our deepest desires to love and be loved can be manifested.
Desire for intimacy with others can relate to a desire for a reflected sense of self. When your bedroom also mirrors that sense of self, you create a clear intention for increased connection and intimacy in your relationship (or, if you’re single, you create an intention for a relationship).
When you intentionally create an environment in your bedroom that reflects your innermost self, and that of your partner, you are honoring your relationship.
Remember that the strength of intimacy in your life is not dependent upon whether or not you are in a relationship. If you desire more intimacy in your life you can have it just as powerfully with yourself. And that vibration of self awareness and self love is what it takes to attract the right partner!
What in my LifeSpace is out of alignment with my vision?
- If you have a partner, are both of you equally represented in your bedroom?
- Is the room decorated in a more masculine or feminine style?
- If you are single, is your bedroom inviting the presence of a partner or helping you stay single?
- When you take a step back and look at it objectively, are you surprised to find that it seems designed to keep you isolated?
- Think about it! Is it a space that can nurture deeper intimacy with yourself? Or does it help you avoid it?
- Is it just a spot where you “crash and burn,” throw your clothes on the floor and dash off to avoid yourself some more?
Take an hour or two together in your shared space and envision what you want your room to look like. Use decorating magazines as a catalyst. Pick a color theme that you both like. If you like shopping together, by all means go together. If one of you likes to shop more than the other, make sure you have your vision clear before you go out and spend a lot of time looking and buying things that may not match the other person’s vision. Bring home your selections and see if you both like them. We always recommend that you begin your color scheme in the bedroom with your flooring and linen selections. It’s much easier to pick a paint color once you’ve picked your linens.
If you find it difficult to come to agreement on your color scheme, agree to disagree with a plan where both of you will get what you want. For example, one partner might choose the wall color, while the other chooses the linens. A year or two later you can switch! Hang photos of the two of you on the wall. While choosing photos feel free to go back through the history of your relationship to remind you of all the happy times you’ve had together. Create your own private space in the room. Maybe one of you has a chair and the other has a dresser. Make sure you both have your own equal nightstands!
Sense the energy in your room. Does it feel like you want it to, or are there irritations like a lack of privacy, clutter, or items in the room that do not reflect your desired intimacy?
Rate the intimacy of your room on a scale of 1 to 10. One is not intimate and 10 is very intimate. What number do you come up with? What number would you like it to be?
Remove anything in your room that you dislike or that irritates you. Clear the clutter! Sit down with a pad of paper and list what would be most nurturing to you in your bedroom. They may be not only meaningful items and images, but practices. Try to incorporate as many of them as possible that feel most important to you.
Want to discover your Space Personality and create a home environment that is more YOU?
When you know who you are, you can create a space that reflects your unique style, values, interests and your life goals. Your space is your mirror and it tells a story about you. Take this free quiz to learn your Space Personality Style and turn your home into a living vision board for your dreams.